5 Places New Moms Can Turn To For Support

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There is a moment in a woman’s life where everything changes. One day, she’s an expectant mother, pregnant and excited about the future. Then, in a matter of hours, her whole world changes– she gives birth and cradles the new center of the universe in her arms.

A lot is said about motherhood, particularly the many, many, many good parts. However, relatively little is said about the problems that new mothers can experience. That moment, when a pregnant woman becomes the mother to the child, is the single biggest change any of us will ever go through– so it should come as no surprise that some women find the transition tough to cope with.

A lot of research and time has been spent on the possibilities, treatments, and identification methods of post-natal depression– and rightly so. However, it’s not just PND that new moms can suffer from, and we’re going to dig a little deeper into one of the other issues some women experience here.

The issue in question? Loneliness.

How loneliness bites new moms

Moms experience loneliness because their lives have changed so hugely, so dramatically… but for everyone else (bar their partner), the world moves on as normal. There is no doubt that the demands of living with a newborn make it incredibly difficult for new moms to feel integrated into the world around them. They are focused so much on their child that everything else slips away. Some would argue that’s only natural, and shouldn’t be seen as a problem– but the loneliness that some women deal with is far too severe to ignore, to chalk up to the usual stresses and strains of raising a child. This loneliness is compounded by all the different worries that new moms have to deal with, especially if it’s their first child and they find they are panicking about every hiccup and sneeze from their baby.

There is no surefire way to cure the issue of loneliness for new moms. However, if you find yourself experiencing loneliness during the first year of your child’s life (or just want to protect against the possibilities), then the below options may be able to help you manage the issue. The key to managing loneliness is to be confident that you have good support structures in place; people and options in your life that you can turn to when things get particularly rough.

Below, you will find suggestions for five different ways a new mom can obtain the support they need to hopefully ease the loneliness issue.

#1 – Your Own Parents

A huge number of women will turn to their parents for support when they have just given birth. You will find yourself leaning on your own mom a lot, as she has been there, done it, and experienced it– as a result, her pearls of wisdom are always going to be valuable.

Some new moms feel that they can’t rely on their parents quite as much as they would like, or don’t have the option available due to parents living abroad or other such issues. If this is the case for you, then your best bet is to set up a weekly “date” with your parents. Sit down and talk together, in person or on the phone, and fix the time and day on your calendar. This gives you something to look forward to, which will make a big difference if you find yourself feeling lonely during the intervening days. It’s not a perfect fix, but it’s something, and that in and of itself can be very valuable.

#2 – Online Support Groups

Online support groups for new moms can be a wonderful option, especially if you don’t have any close girlfriends living nearby. However, it is incredibly important that you avoid Facebook.

For whatever reason, Facebook posts tend to have a problem with facts. The chances of you reading a post that scares you, but is actually based on a falsehood, is incredibly high. Many a new mom has panicked themselves over a story they found on Facebook that turned out to be false.

Instead, opt for specialist forums such as The Bump or What To Expect. These tend to be better moderated, so there’s less chance of stumbling across inaccurate information that frightens or upsets you.

#3 – Authority Sites

As the above touches upon, the internet can be a dark and scary place for new moms. There’s so much misinformation, so many scary stories– it can feel like you’re best off unplugging your laptop for the duration of your child’s infancy. Of course, this isn’t actually a solution, especially because if you’re struggling with loneliness already, unplugging will sever your connection to the world. Instead, you have to adapt the way you use the internet for anything related to your baby, or you can make the loneliness problem far worse.

If you feel the need to look for information on your baby’s health or development, then try and stick to authority sites. Keep in mind sites like WebMD for health advice or Parenting Pod, which as you can see here is incredibly beneficial for all aspects of your new life as a mother. These sites aren’t designed to scare you or advance a point of view, so they can continue your connection to the world and give you the information you need, but prevent you from being swallowed by false stories and rumor. You don’t have to outright fear information you find online; you just have to be discerning about where you get that information from.

As you may expect, there’s a rule for information searching that all new moms should live by Do not use social media to ask questions or query for opinions. if you want to solicit the advice of a friend you think may be able to assist you, then contact them privately. The last thing you need is to fall victim to the horrors of parent shaming on social media, so it’s best to avoid open calls for advice even if you feel it might help you.

#4 – Medical Advice

If you are struggling with loneliness during early motherhood, then that is a legitimate mental health concern and one you should feel no hesitancy about divulging to medical staff.

Many women feel incredibly guilty after giving birth, for a variety of different reasons. This guilt tends to mean they are less keen to speak with medical staff about their mental health issues. This is caused in part by the pressure some women feel to be over-the-moon about their new life as a mom.

Here’s the thing: motherhood is wonderful and incredible, and likely to be one of, if not the most, rewarding things you ever do. However, the first year is tough. You can be delighted about being a mom and also find it hard– the two aren’t mutually exclusive. You’re not ‘failing’ if you need to talk to a medical professional about how you’re feeling and the loneliness you’re experiencing; you’re taking charge of your own situation, and improving life for both you and your baby.

So talk to your doctor or arrange an appointment with a therapist if you’re struggling to cope. This gives you the chance to have some vital human connection, and get some ideas about improving how things are for the future.

#5 – “Mom Friends”

One of the best ways to help manage the loneliness issue is to build a mommy support group. Ideally, a group of women who gave birth around the same time as you, and may be experiencing the same issues.

This is beneficial due to one of the reasons new moms experience loneliness issues; because they don’t feel they can talk to their existing friends anymore. After all, your life has changed hugely, and — to an extent — will revolve around the baby for the first year. You don’t have opinions on politics or fashion trends when you’re so focused on your child so you may feel you have nothing to say, or your friends have outright expressed a desire not to be subjected to constant baby talk. That’s fine, and their prerogative, but you still might need an outlet– and that’s where a group of mom friends can help you. Mom friends will always be willing to talk about babies, because they’re going through the same things you are, and they need an outlet too.

The best way to find mom friends is through baby classes, nursery groups, or even advertising on the wall of your pediatrician’s office. Given this is something that most new moms need, with a little searching, you shouldn’t be short of sign-ups.

In Conclusion

The loneliness of new motherhood can take a toll, which is why a good support structure is essential. Hopefully, the ideas above will have outlined the different ways you can seek support, and how to protect yourself and your well-being during those first few months of motherhood. Good luck.

If you are struggling with loneliness during early motherhood, then that is a legitimate mental health concern and one you should feel no hesitancy about divulging to medical staff.

My first pregnancy was confusing.  How was your first pregnancy? Who did you turn to?  What were your worries?  Are expecting?  Please comment, I sure would like to know.

Until Next Time, Shine Amongst the Stars!

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