When I was a young girl and I watched these movies where a woman could pinpoint the exact moment they knew they were in love. I was curious to the legitimacy of this so I asked, woman and man alike, do they remember the first time they knew they were in love. Person after person could recall nearly every detail of the day. It was truly amazing. Therefore, I ask you this. To take a moment and try to remember the exact moment you knew you were in love.
Close your eyes and try to remember, was it morning, night, or noon. Was it cold outside or warm, raining or sunny? Was snow falling or were there leaves? Where were you? Were you indoors our outside? What were you doing? Talking on the phone, eating dinner, or something I can’t mention in my family friendly blog? Whenever the case may be, I’m sure you must have a smile on your face as you reminiscence. That memory might have even snuck up on you because you had forgotten about that. Maybe that memory brings you to tears because your relationship is not like it used to be. Well, I can guarantee, if it was real love you remember.
When I was in high school I received a Valentine’s Card and my “boyfriend” signed it “I love you” followed by his name. From that moment on, we said it to each other constantly. Mostly when we parted, usually after leaving school or hanging up the phone a few hours later. It was like saying goodbye as it became normal and routine.
In college when my “boyfriend” joined the army shortly after we started dating and did the exact same thing. What I mean by exactly the same thing is he sent me a Sweetest Day card and signed it “I love you.”
At that moment, we started saying it when we saw each other, when we parted, on all correspondence, and every time we hung up the phone. Once again, it was routine and normal. I thought something was wrong with me because I said these words but I couldn’t remember when I fell in love with him. I was looking at my journal and it mentioned nothing about falling in love. Then I felt guilt because I didn’t feel like I should say it if I didn’t know if I even felt it.
Just as I did in high school, I eventually ended this relationships the only way I knew how. I would distance myself and get lost in my schoolwork. I would use the oldest excuse in the book, “It’s not you, it’s me. I need to focus on my school work.” It was sad for a few days, but I was the best ex-girl friend ever. I helped them and hung out with them and cheered them on. I didn’t lie to them so I didn’t have guilt. I needed to focus on my schooling. I have always been a driven person and I still am.
During late August in Northern Illinois in a town, I was about to get off work when Tim stopped by with his flowers. I was surprised because he had promised that he would bring me flowers on the twenty-second of every month as he did 2 months prior. I smiled and greeted him with a huge hug and a kiss. We went for a walk along the riverfront and talked about our days. As we walked hand-in-hand, we were happy for the break in the storm and as we returned to the car. “He did it,” I thought to myself. After he walked up a little in front of me and kicked some debris out of my path. My heart melted because it was the exact same thing he did the day before on Tuesday, August 21, 2001.
We were sitting in the car outside of my apartment waiting for the rain to stop. We didn’t mind the rain because we always had something to talk about and it was exciting getting to know him. The wind blew a small branch from the tree and it hit the passenger’s side of the car where I was setting. We didn’t realize that the rain had stopped while we were kissing as the sound of the branch hitting window interrupted our kiss. Tim released the gripped he had placed around me to comfort me from whatever the noise was. He looked at me and asked if I was okay.
As he got out of the car he told me to stay there for a minute. I sat in the car and watched while he cleared the path from my apartment to the car. He picked the garbage can up that had blown over. Branches that had fallen from the trees. When he walked back to the car, he grabbed the umbrella from the back seat and opened my car door. He looked at me as he kicked the final piece of debris next to the car. He opened the umbrella and said, “the wind it blowing small branches and water from the trees.”
When I got out of the car and stood in front of him under the umbrella I couldn’t hold back my desire to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. We stood there with locked lips smelling the scent of fresh air after the rain and his cologne. I was literally intoxicated with love. He walked me into my apartment, checked it, and asked if I needed anything. I told him I didn’t. I knew his mother had needed him and I didn’t want to take up his time. He kissed me and told me he loved me and for the first time, I said it back.
He was not used to hearing it so at first, he turned and started walking away. Once he realized I said it back, he turned back to me and kissed me again. He said in a whisper as we stood nose to nose, “Don’t apologize and tell me it was a reflex, because I’m taking it.” Then he kissed me again and walked away closing my door behind him and said, “Don’t forget to lock up” from outside the door. I watched him from the living room window get in the car and before he pulled off he blow me a kiss and waved good bye.
I smiled because I knew in my heart it was not a reflex. I was sure about to tell him it was, because I wasn’t looking for Love, but I was truly, madly and deeply in love with him. I looked at the clock and it read 9:22 p.m. It was August 21, 2001 and I had fallen in love with Tim except it felt more like flying in love. I was so elated. The next day when he came to take me to work and walked me into my office, I kissed him goodbye and said I love you. I looked up at him and he said, “I love you too, Michelle.” That was the second time I said the words to him. A man I was dating and actually felt a heart-felt love. A much more deeper love than a friendly love. Finally I had my story. My story of the first time I knew I loved him.
Back to the present – when I saw him do it again today it was confirmation. Confirmation that I was in love with this man. When he got in the car to see me blushing as I looked at him, he kissed me and said, “You love me” and I laughed and said, “You love me too.” Although Tim had moved debris from in front of my path many times before and countless times after, it was something about that rainy day in August on that evening that allowed him to capture my heart. We said our vows 21 days later.
Marriage is such a beautiful union and declaration of love. I learned from experience that it’s not without it’s ups and down, but once your “True Mate” has been given to you, nothing can separate you. I have friends and love ones that have found their true mate. Now they feel the newlyweds like the love I share with Tim and they finally “get it.” It’s a union that stand the test of time.
It’s been 16 years, 7 months, and 15 days since I declared my love for Tim and promised to love him for the rest of my life. The vows I spoke were engraved in my heart and through the good times and bad, the love has not wavered even when I wanted it to.
I’ve come to accept that God made no mistakes when he placed him in my life and I am grateful for all of the experiences. Therefore, after great consideration and daily prayer, I shall renew and rejuvenate my life with Tim on Sunday January 20, 2020 with a ceremonial wedding.
I have been living the marriage for nearly 17 years and I wish to celebrate my God’s love on earth through us with a wedding. I have 1 year and 270 for days to plan a wedding and I ask you to join me. I was at first afraid and I thought of everything that could go wrong and didn’t want to experience that disappointment for the third time. Today I choose to cast my cares and plan a wedding with love and excitement leading my heart.
My wedding budget is literally non existent. Therefore, I will share with you my DIY wedding decorating. I will share my menu that I will prepare for the big day. Also my wedding 30 lb. slim-down. I would like to get down to the weight of 135 lbs. as I was the first time we said our vows. I am excited and trusting God will provide everything I need to make my fairy tale come true.
Where you able to recall the moment you knew you fell in love? Would you want a wedding after nearly seventeen years of marriage? Any thoughts? Please share in the comments below. I really would love to know.
Until next time, shine amongst the stars!
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