Hey Stars,
I want you to imagine something.
Imagine you have a secret. It’s not a “scary” secret, but it’s a heavy one. For seven years—that’s 2,555 days—I sat right here. I wrote the blog posts you read. I shared the recipes. I sent the emails. From your side of the screen, Lavanda Michelle was “fine.” I was still your Midwest girl, still glowing, still talking about the sparkles.
But there was a catch.
Every time I looked at that little red “Record” button on my camera? My heart would hit my ribs like a trapped bird. My breath would catch. I would look at the lens—that unblinking glass eye—and all I could see was what I was trying to hide.
I was a professional blogger who was terrified of being seen.
You see, a lot can happen in seven years. While I was typing away, my “Ferrari engine” was redlining. I was 249.6 pounds, struggling to catch my breath, and using my words to build a wall between me and the world. It’s one thing to tell a story with a keyboard; it’s an entirely different thing to stand in the light and let you see the struggle in my eyes.
I didn’t “disappear” from the internet… I disappeared from the frame.
I was hiding in plain sight. I was too smart to keep pretending, yet too scared to stop. I told myself I was “just a writer now,” but that was a lie I told to protect my ego. The truth? I was a Ferrari rusting in a dark garage because I didn’t want anyone to see the dents.
But then, something shifted in the silence of these North Carolina woods.
I realized that if I want to help you—my Stars—live your brightest lives, I can’t do it from the shadows. I can’t just give you the “fresh paint” version of my life anymore. You deserve the foundation. You deserve the raw, unpolished, “Chapter Two” truth.
So, I did the one thing that felt impossible. I reached out, I wiped the dust off the lens, and I pressed Record.
I’m finally stepping back into the light. I’m not just a voice in your inbox anymore. I’m right here.
The ghost is gone. Lavanda is back.
What are your thoughts about I Disappeared for 7 Years. Here is the Truth. Please share in the comments below. I really would love to know.
Until next time, shine amongst the stars!
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2,555 days of hiding behind a keyboard. ⌨️ For 7 years, I was a ghost on YouTube, even while blogging every day. The mystery is over. I finally pressed record. 🎥✨ #LavandaMichelle #YouTubeReturn #ChapterTwo #Stars✨ ❤️ #LavandaMIchelle
Lavanda, I felt that “fighting to breathe” line in my soul. People think once the kids are grown, life gets easy, but raising adults and managing a long marriage while your health is failing is a different kind of heavy. Thank you for showing us that it’s okay to pivot and prioritize ourselves after years of being everyone else’s air.
Brenda, I hear you. That weight doesn’t get lighter just because the kids are grown—it shifts, but it’s still heavy. I’m so glad this gave you permission to pivot and breathe for yourself.
I tell my students all the time that it’s okay to be a “work in progress,” but I rarely apply that to myself. Your post reminded me that the “foundation” is more important than the “paint.” I’ll be sharing your “Ferrari” metaphor with my classroom tomorrow. Welcome back to the light.
Mrs. Gable, thank you… that means so much. I love that you’ll share the “Ferrari” metaphor—it’s all about the foundation, isn’t it? Grateful to be back in the light, especially with readers like you.
Too smart to keep pretending, yet too scared to stop.’ You just described my entire life right now. Thank you for leading the way back to authenticity
Ann, I hear you. That tension is real for so many of us. I’m glad sharing my journey gives you a little courage to step back into authenticity too.
I’m reading this in the five minutes I have between meetings, and I’m literally holding my breath. I realized I’ve been “redlining” my own engine for way too long. Your honesty about the hospital stays is a massive reality check for me. I need to find my own North Carolina woods.
David, I hear you. Five minutes between meetings and still feeling it—that’s real. Taking care of your engine matters, and I hope you find your own North Carolina woods… a little peace goes a long way.
My mom actually sent me your blog because she knows I’ve been struggling with my health while away at school. It’s cool to see someone being so real about the struggle and the scale. It makes the “Influencer” world feel a little less fake. I’m definitely subscribing for the journey.
Aliyah, I’m so glad your mom shared this with you. The struggle is real, and if being honest about it makes the influencer world feel less fake, then it’s worth it. Welcome—you’re right on time for the journey.