Hey Stars,
I want you to imagine something.
Imagine you have a secret. It’s not a “scary” secret, but it’s a heavy one. For seven years—that’s 2,555 days—I sat right here. I wrote the blog posts you read. I shared the recipes. I sent the emails. From your side of the screen, Lavanda Michelle was “fine.” I was still your Midwest girl, still glowing, still talking about the sparkles.
But there was a catch.
Every time I looked at that little red “Record” button on my camera? My heart would hit my ribs like a trapped bird. My breath would catch. I would look at the lens—that unblinking glass eye—and all I could see was what I was trying to hide.
I was a professional blogger who was terrified of being seen.
You see, a lot can happen in seven years. While I was typing away, my “Ferrari engine” was redlining. I was 249.6 pounds, struggling to catch my breath, and using my words to build a wall between me and the world. It’s one thing to tell a story with a keyboard; it’s an entirely different thing to stand in the light and let you see the struggle in my eyes.
I didn’t “disappear” from the internet… I disappeared from the frame.
I was hiding in plain sight. I was too smart to keep pretending, yet too scared to stop. I told myself I was “just a writer now,” but that was a lie I told to protect my ego. The truth? I was a Ferrari rusting in a dark garage because I didn’t want anyone to see the dents.
But then, something shifted in the silence of these North Carolina woods.
I realized that if I want to help you—my Stars—live your brightest lives, I can’t do it from the shadows. I can’t just give you the “fresh paint” version of my life anymore. You deserve the foundation. You deserve the raw, unpolished, “Chapter Two” truth.
So, I did the one thing that felt impossible. I reached out, I wiped the dust off the lens, and I pressed Record.
I’m finally stepping back into the light. I’m not just a voice in your inbox anymore. I’m right here.
The ghost is gone. Lavanda is back.
What are your thoughts about I Disappeared for 7 Years. Here is the Truth. Please share in the comments below. I really would love to know.
Until next time, shine amongst the stars!
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2,555 days of hiding behind a keyboard. ⌨️ For 7 years, I was a ghost on YouTube, even while blogging every day. The mystery is over. I finally pressed record. 🎥✨ #LavandaMichelle #YouTubeReturn #ChapterTwo #Stars✨ ❤️ #LavandaMIchelle
Watching our bodies change over seven years while we’re busy being “the rock” is so hard. I’ve looked at the scale and felt that same “trapped bird” feeling in my chest. Your post made me feel seen in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. Thank you for your light, sister.
Keisha… I see you. That “trapped bird” feeling is heavy, and I’m so glad this post made you feel seen. Thank you for letting me share my light—it’s brighter because of sisters like you.
I don’t usually comment on blogs, but the “Ferrari rusting in the garage” got to me. I’ve been feeling like a beat-up truck lately, just trying to keep the family moving. Your courage to “press record” is making me think about my own health journey. Respect to you, Lavanda.
Robert, I hear you. That “beat-up truck” feeling is real for so many of us. I’m glad pressing record resonated, and I hope it gives you a little permission to care for yourself too. Thank you for saying that.
Yo, the “ghost is gone” line was cold! I’m a digital media major and we talk about “personal branding” all the time, but nobody talks about the mental health side of it. This is the most “real” thing I’ve read on the internet in a minute. Much love from Atlanta!
Xavier, I love that you noticed that. Personal branding is one thing, but mental health is the real story behind the screen. Sending love back to Atlanta… so glad this felt real to you.
I’ve been a “Star” since the beginning and I am literally crying happy tears right now. I always felt like something was missing lately, and now I know it was just YOU being missing from your own life. Welcome back, Queen! The sparkles were cute, but the soul is better.
Jasmine… this made me tear up too. Thank you for staying a “Star” all these years. I’m finally back, and your words remind me why it’s worth showing up fully. The soul over sparkles, always.
I’ve been hiding behind my own ‘keyboard’ of excuses lately. Your courage to show the ‘dents’ is exactly what I needed to hear today to start my own Chapter Two.
Zoe, I love this. Hiding behind the keyboard is so easy to do, but starting your own Chapter Two is powerful. You’ve got this—and I’m cheering you on every step.