I smile as I remember this October. It was a cool brisk wind blowing that morning. According to my journal, it was Saturday, October 12th, 2002. I was awoke refreshed from a good night’s sleep. My little miracle, Zyan slept well the entire night. I remember looking at the alarm clock – it was 7:02 a.m. Looking over at her bed, I saw her still peacefully sleeping. I kissed her forehead and rubbed her belly as I thanked her for letting Mommy sleep. Then I got in the shower and started to brush my teeth. I don’t know why we have to look at ourselves when we brush. We know where our teeth are. Anywho, staring back at me from the mirror was a different woman. A woman I was proud of.
I kind of smiled, as if being introduced to myself for the first time. “You are great and will only be given what you can handle” is the thought that came to me. I can’t believe that a year ago I was scared of taking on any unplanned events. Now I feel like a success in all areas of my life. Well as I walked pass Zyan I realized that she was awake looking at her mobile. She gave me a smile that made me feel like she felt the pride that I felt. I had to pick her up and prepared her for the day.
Music is always a good way to ease into the day so I put some mood music on. The little bit of jazz in the background was a perfect accompaniment. I laid Zyan down on the bed while I sipped on my Green Tea and I read her the letter Tim left with us before his trip. He made me promise not to open it until the next day. It read, ‘
Because I can’t be with you today, I wrote you this letter so you can know that I’ll be thinking about you, loving you, and missing you both much in my absence. Be reminded that I’ll always love you and that I’m so honored to have you two in my life. I know the last year was scary for you, but I promise to be with you every day, even if it is not physically possible. You will both be on my mind when I awaken and you’ll be the last people I think of at the end of the night.
I want you to take this letter with you on your adventures as a symbol that my heart is with you. I have that picture of you holding Zyan in the pink dress 24/7 and I look at it throughout the day and kiss yawl too. When the sun goes down imagine me next to you kissing you both goodnight. When Zyan wakes up during the night, just know that I’ll make it up to you. When the sun rises, imagine me waking you up with a kiss. When you drive to work, imagine me by your side wishing you a great day. When you get home in the evening, know just that I wish I could make you a nice dinner like I did on our 3rd date, which I will actually do when I get back. In the meantime, I hope you feel my love through this letter until you can feel mine through my presence. I love you ‘Chelle. (Sighing)
Your Husband and Life Partner
My heart melted. I almost felt embarrassed to feel like that in front of Zyan. (Sigh) I did feel truly loved. Stepping off my cloud, I proceeded with my day by welcoming the sunshine in. I was amazed by the beautiful sky and the rich colors of fall. The leaves were yellow, orange, and red with a few greens. The beautiful scenery just made me that much happier. I decided I would get out and take a walk with Zyan. Maybe even play in the leaves a bit with her. We dressed up for the weather and headed out. As we walked down the colorful sidewalk the leaves were being blown from the trees. I parked the stroller and picked Zyan up saying, “Let’s catch the leaves! Ooh, wee, this one is yellow!” and “This one is red Zyan! What color is this one?” She’d say a color in baby language (at least I pretended she did) and I’d just laugh and say, “Yesss, it is Zyan! It’s a pretty golden orange!”
I recall collecting particular leaves to paste in my journal and memory book. In the fall, I’d stay out most of the day because that is the best way to enjoy your favorite time of year. We stopped at the park where there were little ones so I just watched in awe over my little one as imagined her played amongst the other children. I felt like I could stay outdoors all day and forget all other responsibilities. But it was just autumn – not Wonderland. What’s your favorite season? Are you able to remember a time where you were just swept away by the great weather and beauty of outdoors?
Until Next Time, Shine Amongst the Stars!
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